ATTENTION!!!

One thing I find myself yearning for when I am out in public. I want to be notice in some ways and I want the world to see me. In a way I think its because I live a some what seclusive life I'm not saying I am alone by myself and deter any one who wants to mingle with me its just that socially I'm not at a level that I was once at. Their are variable circumstances that can be attributed to this situation or problem I should say. It could be what happened to my eye, my interest in my computer or the internet, or a burning desire to read and learn as much as I can and be with myself. Now there are situations with those things that I go for that can include meeting other people and in the end being more social but deep down I also feel a fear about not being excepted.


At times its often confusing for me or in the end I am the one making it confusing and really its not. What I find that takes me away from being so alone and at times draws attention toward me that I wish to gain is music. Its my heart and its my love I can close my eyes and let my music go through me and it seems as if I'm in another place. I happen to sing a lot of the songs I listen to and that brings a even stronger connection to the music to me. I have a ok voice depending on the song what what I want people to hear is not my voice or its tone but rather the message of the song because to me each of the songs I do listen to has meaning and tell a tale.

In some respects music for me has some complicated fields to it. I love all music just because no matter how good or how crappy it is in some respects its a tale of self expression. That being said I find myself drawing away with some forms of music just because the way they are. I grew up being told I'm black or african american for you PC folks but I very well am no. Technically I have a small sliver of "black" in me being that my grandfather was mixed, my mother is mixed, and my dad is not black so for a while I felt I had been living a lie being told to be something and set to a color boundary when I felt in my heart I should be free. This goes from music, culture, to just trying to find myself. At this point the music that blacks should be seen as to be liking I don't like. I used to be big into rap, hip hop, or any other of the sub genres that are in it but now I have no love for it and I really don't feel anything out of it. This may be very well a musical evolution on my part. My mind is expanding, my ears are opening, and my eyes are looking for and seeing interesting and better forms of music. I will never be to a point where I would hate that field of music I do see how ever I really don't have any feelings for it and it gives me nothing I wish to hear.

Now to the subject of this post Attention I find that music gains attention to me and draws attention to me. I want people to question what I'm listening to or why I am listening to it. I want to break the walls of conformity with the wrecking ball of creativity. Let me listen to rock, heavy metal, punk, alternative. or the many other fields into it. I want you to see that a person of any color can love that form of music, that form of expression. To me its one of those things idea's change, people change, and society changes and we all have to mold with it. If you don't do that you will end up breaking.

Just something thats I have been thinking about. I hope I grabbed your Attention.